Tony died and was sent to be judged as to his eternal future. St. Pete advised Tony that he had committed a sin and could not get into heaven right away--he had cheated on his income taxes. Tony begged for St. Pete to forgive him and was told that the only way he could get into heaven would be to sleep with a 500-lb, stupid, butt-ugly woman for the next five years. Deciding this was a small price to pay for an eternity in heaven, Tony agreed and went off with this enormous woman. As he was walking along, he saw his friend Carlos up ahead. Carlos was with an even bigger, uglier woman. Tony asked Carlos why he was with such an unlikely companion, and Carlos informed him it was the price he had to pay for cheating on his wife during all his married years. Carlos and Tony agreed to hang out together to help pass the time--which was bound to hang heavy with such unfortunate companions. As Tony, Carlos, and their two beastly women were walking along, Tony and Carlos could have sworn that they saw their friend Jon up ahead--but how could it be?--this man was with an absolutely drop-dead-gorgeous supermodel, real centerfold material. Stunned, Tony and Carlos approached the man, and in fact it was their friend Jon. They asked him how he'd come to get this unbelievable goddess as a heavenly compaion, while they were stuck with such unfortunate specimens. Jon replied "I have no idea, and I'm definitely not complaining. This has been absolutely the best time of my life, and I've been told I have five years to look forward to of the best sex any man could hope for.There is only one thing that I can't seem to understand. After every time we have sex, she rolls over and murmurs to herself, "Why did I sell those kids those cigarettes?"